I came upon a blog that posed this question and it has been circling my mind this week as I've watched Becky slipping closer to the end. What we thought was two years is now a matter of days, if not hours. It's happening so fast I feel like I'm falling and I can't recover to get up. I've watched her tortured family try to deal with it all. I've watched her sweet little 3-yr-old acting out grasping for some foundation--a foundation she may not get for quite a while. I've watched Becky struggling to breathe and hang on to ever dear conversation she can have...
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Here is the quote running in my head from Sister Parkin:
"We Can Do Hard Things."
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Pretty straightforward, not eloquent, but it is helping me get through this week. I keep thinking I have cried it out enough--cried myself to sleep one night, cried as her daughter refused to go home and I couldn't get her out of the car and my heart broke, cried through a baptism, cried in my prayers, and then I think I'm cried out. Nope, the flood gates open again...I will be entirely honest in saying I have moments of anger - WHAT in the world is happening?? WHY? And I realize that yes, there are hard things--not only in Becky's situation but in each of our lives. We can do the hard things - in fact, we must do the hard things.
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What is hard for me? Wanting a baby, the anxiety I feel meeting new friends, worrying about being a good mother, my heart, never feeling I'm good enough...
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Can I do hard things? Can I raise a little girl out here? Can I improve on my domestic abilities? (ha) Can I make it on a winding road without throwing up?
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And then this blog mentioned generations of amazingly tough women that have gone before us cheering: "YES YOU CAN!!!" and I loved that visual.
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Now, more importantly, I never get my nails done and I finally did this week and I couldn't even make it ONE day without ruining them?! Ha, that by far is the hardest thing of all!
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Tell me: What is hard for you? How are you doing it? Brag, if necessary.
(It's always necessary)
13 comments:
It's hard to live with Jessica so far away...especially this week when I'd love to play with Kya so she could cry or bring her dinner or a comedy to just break the sadness for a bit.
I'm doing it with lots and lots of chocolate and the thought, "what can I do from here" constantly rolling through my mind.
Hey - how great are you?!?! Just talking to you always makes me smile!!
Okay, but Amy, YOU HAVE TO REALLY ANSWER!!! I really need good distractions!
I don't think you have enough comment space for me to list all the things that are hard for me. So I will give you just a few at the top of my list.
1. It is hard for me to loose weight. Dieting is so hard. I can do the exercise thing once I get into the routine of it. But dieting the the hardest.
2. It is hard for me at times not to be selfish. I am a Leo and the world revolves around me right? ;)
3. It is hard for me to forgive others. I have no problem forgiving Ryan or people I am really close to. But I have a hard time with people like my M-in-L.
Just a few there...I am so sorry about your friend. It is heartbreaking! Call me if you need to talk or need a distraction!
wow-- Jess that is an amazing read. I've been through a lot of hard things and a lot of things are hard for me. Maybe thats why I'm the compassionate service leader in our ward :)
I've been contemplating your blog for 24 hrs now. First I came up with some answers. Then I thought I'd just do my own post talking about all the things that are hard for me. But as I thought about it more, I discovered that the hard things for me are things I'm not willing to admit to others! Good for you and others who can openly share like that.
I will say this...having Stephen gone a lot on Sundays (as he has been even since before we had kids) is very hard and makes me want to gouge someone's eyes out!
Well, well, well...way to get the tears flowing girl! For me personally, I've learned over the past 10 months that I am stronger than I thought I was and that I can do hard things. But only with the gospel in my life. I've learned to look for even the smallest of miracles when going through trials - they are there. There are blessings you receive while going to trials but you have to be open to receive or feel them. This year I've been shown just how fragile life is but knowing the simple fact that families are forever provides me with great faith and motivation to be the best I can be. Sure, I fail at times but I have to remember the bigger picture and that my attitude effects those around me. You are a blessing for the entire William's family right now. I'm sure just seeing your smiling face brightens up their day just a little.
I soooo get Tristan's list...especially that of forgiving her mother-in-law. My MIL is seriously the witched witch of Utah! But no matter, what she will always be Devin's mom. I have to always remember that. So just 3 weeks ago I started a list of things I could remember that she has done for me and my family or times she was nice. I had to recruit one of Devin's sister's-in-law to help me with this list and only still have 5 things on my list after 17 years of marriage. But I want to try to retrain my brain when it comes to her. I can only remember every negative/mean thing she has done to me and/or my family. Can you say L-O-S-E-R I need a change of attitude right now!
It is also hard for me to always be the "party person." I've known early on that one of my talents is bringing people together. But at the same time it is a lot of pressure and then if I hear someone say I'm being exclusive that really hurts me so then I shut down and don't do parties at all.
Well, this was way longer than intended and I'm not sure if any of it even helped. Know that I think the world of you Jessica! UR a STRONG WOMAN who CAN do ANYTHING!
Check my blog...
Thanks for reminding us.
It is hard for me to trust people and life. But you are right, we can do hard things, we all have many times, and really we don't have much choice do we?
Jess,
So sorry you are having to go through this hard time of losing someone dear to you. I cling to every word you describe of never feeling good enough and even keeping your newly manicured nails from getting ruined. Please just know you are not alone in those feelings. You are such a great person with so much to give to your new friends. It is SO HARD finding and keeping friends once you move. I look up to you and have since I met you. Your smiling face brightens up any room! Bless your sweet heart and know my prayers are with Becky and her family. Oh, and 3 things that are hard for me:
Letting go of what I can not change, going a day without beating myself up black and blue, and taking quality time for my kids...ugh...I hate reading that!:)Hang in there-sorry for my novel!
"We Do Hard Things" has been our family motto starting 10 years ago. Whenever the kids start to complain about something, we can always refer back to the motto and it makes it better.
I can't imagine what your friend is having to go through. Keep strong and remember we love you!
AHHHH.... jeez, lots of hard things. The hardest, most excruciating thing I have to do is wonder every day if it will be the last for my sweet Hannah girl. And I have to convince myself that any ONE Of my kids could go at any moment- but it's so realistic with Hannah. I hate the thought of possibly finding her AFTER she has passed away from heart failure and not being aware she had passed. It torments me to think that when it does happen, there will be NOTHING I can do to save her-- I will just have to watch it happen. And yet, I don't know that I want to watch her go through another heart surgery either. The thought of that just makes me nauseous. Kids should not have to endure this kind of thing... and neither should parents. I can't wait until we're in the spirit world and we can see how much we learned from all these trials. We CAN do hard things, and we WILL do hard things... it's how we deal with those hard things that makes the difference!
Miss you Jess... and keeping Becky's family in our prayers, I saw that she had passed- so sorry.
Jess, this comment is a little late, but I want you to know that I am so sorry. Life is hard sometimes. This has been a week of blogs that make me cry! Another of my friends just sent her husband off to Iraq, and that made me bawl too.
What is hard for me? Moving... I don't think I am very good at making new friends. Feeling like I am never good enough... I fall short so often. And watching my friends struggle, knowing that I can't take away their pain.
What helps me? Whenever I think I can't do it any more, I just remind myself that I have to. What other choice is there? Not really a positive thought, but sometimes it helps to remember that life comes with hard times, and we face them because we must. And I pray for strength to remember that in the darkest times of my life.
I love you, even though I haven't seen you in a long time. Hang in there. Someone recently told me that after the hardest weeks come the best weeks. We just have to endure the bitter so that we can enjoy the sweet.
Ok I know this is way late...especially in the blog world, but I've been thinking about this post... I'm so sorry to about Becky.
Hard things indeed.
The more I think of difficult things the more I feel the need to hide them or place them somewhere they can't hurt me...like a vault. As I was thinking about this and all the things I tuck away I realized that sometimes I don't tuck them away I let them go, forgotten, forgiven, left behind forever. Then I thought about those things that I keep and store away...will these things come back to haunt me later? Right now I have this one big thing that is killing me inside and I keep tucking it away only for it to rear it's ugly face when I'm alone and I can't conceal it from myself...It's just something I feel like I have no say in, I've told NO one so far and am not sure if I ever will...but it does make me think that almost everyone is struggling with something and we just need to be commpassionate.
So if I were to say one of the hardest things to deal with, for me, would be watching someone you love in pain and not being able to take it away from them.
I miss you Jess. I always felt like you were full good info and loved hearing your view...Hope your happy back home.
BTW-Love the cupcake lollys!
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